Dear Fucker – Todd Howard

Dear Fucker – Todd Howard
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The video game industry has become one of the most profitable industries in the world, and where you find piles of money you also find greedy slimeball motherfuckers. Lucky for us, they bring their bullshit and lies right out into the open for us to call them out on and in this new series I call “Dear Fucker” we will write a love letter to these assholes to let them know that we know they are asshats. This week, CEO of Bethesda Studios, Todd Howard.

Dear Fucker,

I see you up there in your little leather jacket on that E3 stage and I know you think you look sexy. With your cute little curls and your fake down-to-earth persona, I bet you’re really happy with where you’re at aren’t you?

Listen here you fucking cumstain, It’s one thing when some lazy developers ruin some no name piece of shit game like Anthem, but you’re taking beloved IP’s and just shitting all over them. Look what you did to Fallout. Goddamn Fallout. That’s a name that just inspires joy among gamers, and you just want to take a shit on it? Let’s not lie to ourselves here, we know what you’ve done with Fallout 76. It’s out in the open now Todd. You pushed out a barely alpha version of a game that instead of making it a playable game, you want to appease investors by pumping ridiculously priced microtransactions into the game. Was the board upset that the game didn’t sell as well as they thought it would?

Oh and then Fallout 1st, we should come to your house over that you fuckaloo. I don’t even have words for the bullshit you’ve tried to pull Todd. I’m not even going to get into the fucking canvas bags. I guess you guys are getting paid so it doesn’t matter, right? Well, your $15 million net worth can’t buy any respect back from the community, or buy another dick to attach to yourself that can actually please a woman. That has to be it. I mean, you have to be compensating for something in your mad, junkie rush for cash. Fuck the community and the fans that made you, right? If you manage to fuck up Elder Scrolls VI then you will end your career as a shit stain on the underwear of the industry.

“This is not gonna be a high Metacritic game. This is not what this is.” What the fuck does that mean? Do you get ready to fuck your wife and be like “This isn’t going to be good for you, you’re not going to cum, but that’s not what this is.” Todd, come on man. You see, the thing that really offends me is that you think we’re stupid. Everybody sees through your shit and the next time you’re on stage I hope somebody hits you in the head with a fucking ashtray. I’m glad you’ve made your investors happy, but your breath smells like their dicks.

You’ve betrayed your fans and the community that made you. Go fuck yourself Todd.

The Redneck of Tech

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Justin Reeves

I've been gaming for 30 years and even attended Full Sail University's Game Design program. Cut to...dumpster divin' for Captain's Wafers cause gawt dammit I've got the good soup.

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